Evening dear reader!!
Acclaimed nobody Joey here! Today I want to talk about something that I hold dear to my heart. Something that I love more then anyone should. Now I can sit here and go on and on about how amazing and life changing this is, but instead id rather give you reasons why it is terrible and if you still love it as much as I do when this is all over, then you sir/ma'am are truly a "good one". I want to talk about a spectacular little film series, the first installment alone earned over $380 million and that as in mid 1980's, which is like $17 trillion now (I think...I don't know numbers), and it made over night stars out of almost every actor involved. The first movies plot it simple enough, insane old man steals nuclear fuel rods which he then installs in a coke dealers shiny car, which is then inadvertently stolen by a white trash delinquent who uses the car to make out with his mom, help his dad sucker punch himself a future man servant, and completely rob an entire race of there contributions to a whole genre of music. I'm talking about a little movie called "Back to the Future".
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| Not Pictured: Sanity |
For those of you who haven't seen it, and therefore don't understand the concept of joy, a little plot clarification.
Reverend Jim Christopher Lloyd plays "Dr" Emmet Brown who invents a time machine out of a DeLorean. His friend
Alex Keaton Micheal J. Fox plays Marty McFly, a ward of sorts to the said "Dr". On the night of the first field test of Doc Browns machine, and after a wacky turn of events (involving missile packing nuclear armed terrorists) Marty accidentally sends himself and the car into 1955, which is crazy cause Marty is from 1985!!! With Marty and his 80's sensibilities free to run amok in the quaint 50's version of his home town (quick side note: Martys hometown set of Hill Valley was also Kingston Falls from the Gremlins), high jinx quickly ensue as in the course of one morning he keeps the chance encounter between his parents that leads to them falling in love from occurring which puts his entire future in jeopardy, plus ensues the wrath of his dads old bully Biff. If you wanna know how it all turns out I will let you watch the film, but I will say that love is restored, Biff gets his come-upance, and all is made for the better in good old 1985. (although the implications that Marty, by playing Johnny B. Goode at the school dance, leads to Chuck Berry recording that song, thus making Micheal J. Fox responsible for 'inventing' Rock n Roll does have some sort of underlining racism there..somewhere)
The Back the Future movie, and to a MUCH greater extent the sequels, had an unmeasurable amount of impact on my life. The very notion of going back in time, and changing the events in your past for the better, is stuff that dreams, (and Scott Bakula TV shows) are made of. Who doesn't have some event in there past that if went just a little differently would have completely changed and improved your life, or for that matter, who doesn't have someone in there life they would benefit from going back and visiting with. A lost family member, your old teacher, or heck, your younger self! Once they get over the shock of there fatter, wrinkly older self frantically yelling at them to stay away from some 1 event ten years from then, they might actually benefit from that experience (or completely go off the twist), ether way, problem averted!
This concept, admittedly ridiculous from any sort of scientific stand point, captivated me as a younger man. I was only 5 when the first one came out in 1985 (how old/young do you feel?), but when the sequel, the infinitely imaginatively titled Back the the Future 2 was released, I was at the impressionable age of 9. I remember first hearing that the sequel was being made, and hearing that Marty McFly might have to be recast by Ralph Machio (Marty crane kicks Biff!). But of course almost the entire cast came back and the movie was amazing!! Again, 9 year old Joey...easily entertained. Oh that was a great summer, eagerly waiting through endless previews and pizza hut commercials with those crazy awesome solar shade sunglasses they were selling.
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| As seen on a hipster near you in 3...2... |
If the first film with all its wackiness was odd but still love-able the second one is just pants crapping insane! It literally starts as the first one ends, although everyone is 5 years older except Claudia Wells who seemed to be afflicted with Elizabeth Shue-itis. Marty, Doc, and Jennifer (Martys apparently shape-shifting girlfriend), fly off in broad daylight to 2015, to keep Marty and Odo's greasy kids from doing illegal future things. Again, high-jinx ensue and after the world is introduced to Hover Boards, self operating clothes, and Elijah Wood, the main villain from the 1st film, Biff, now a crotchy bitter old man, probably from years of servitude to Martys dad, steals the now flying time machine, and takes it back to 1955 to give his younger self a book full of sports scores, and vague, non-descriptive warnings about people who will surely be coming to take his newly acquired golden ticket to anything he ever wanted. (Just say Doc and Marty!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) Unbeknownst to Doc and Marty but knownst to us, the DeLorean is returned back safely and they are none the wiser, until they go back to 1985! And its a nightmare!! Imagine all the most coke fueled stories you can imagine from Trumps Atlantic City circa 1985, but in a southern California suburb. The current horrendous state of Hill Valley, with its gambling/toxic waste based econamy is the result of young Biff using his sports book to buy himself the sets of Escape from New York and Scarface, and making everyone stay there like some nutty twilight zone rerun. Doc and Marty use some top-notch sleuthing skills to figure out that the event that triggered this nightmare world of big boobed Lea Thompsons and legal gambling, was in the past, so off they go back to 1955...again.
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| But wait, theres more! |
Confused? Good! Cause that just leads up to the third act of this beautiful agony which puts us right back were we started, the events of the first film in 1955, but with a new Rosencrantz and Gildenstern are Dead level of wackiness. All the events of the first film must play out as the are supposed to, the incestuous kiss, the emasculating Biff slap, etc. But this time Marty must stop Biffs little gang made up of Billy Zane and two other guys who aren't Billy Zane from jumping the Marty from 5 years ago/3 days ago and get the sports book back to again, thus Quantum Leap there futures as they already did. But alas, the plot makes its drunken toddlers way to a fitting conclusion and everything wraps up nicely until.... Boom! an unforeseen curve ball! A lightning bolt vaporizes Doc and the time machine leaving Marty stranded in 1955! But he's from 1985!!! But thankfully with an M. Knight Shamalamadingdong-type twist. A strange man from SCTV appears and gives Marty a letter from Doc written from the year 1885. Awesome! Just when we couldn't get any more convoluted with our plot, our way out arrives! And sets up Back to the Future 3: Tokyo Drift!!
As the final part of this trilogy opens, Marty has enlisted Doc circa 30 years ago, to help him get back...to the...future (ugh) but in a last minute realization that Doc is now dead, (He doesn't live to be 170?), Marty goes back to the Ol' West for some rootin tootin good times, featuring a guest appearance by ZZ Top! The ensuing jinx, of the highest caliber, involves Marty and Doc figuring out a way to get the now outta gas flightless time machine, thanks to Indians and southern California desert bears?, to be drivable once again. This adventure features the standard great great grandfather encounters, a distressed damsel, a gun fight, and your average old timey versions of everyday things in the future (I imagine the creators of Briscoe County Jr and Young Indiana Jones Chronicles taking notes). After all that stuff is over, the real steak with the sizzle comes. Doc and Martys master plan of pushing the DeLorean with a goddamn train finally happens. And its exactly what you would picture a DeLorean being pushed by a train would look like! Awesome!!! But, again, a hitch, the damsel shows back up and what should be the most touching characteristic move of the films, Doc, knowing he can't leave her to die in the inevitable train wreck (literally) bets on love, and stays behind to rescue Elf's step mom and sends Marty back to 1985 with the DeLorean, which promptly and ironically gets destroyed by a modern train. All is well, Martys time line restored, Doc is with his love in the era of history he specifically states earlier in the film was his favorite, and the machine is destroyed thus preventing further disruption. Then this happens...
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| Doc Brown was Steampunk before Steampunk was "cool" |
Doc Brown reappears at the wreckage of the DeLorean, in his new steam powered time traveling locomotive with his woman and a few children of the corn he must have found. Oh and to bring this cavalcade of batshit to it crescendo...after Doc and Marty say there proper good byes, Doc climbs into his Dr. Suessian contraption and it FLYS away!! It folds its wheels under itself, lifts up off the ground, AND FLYS AWAY!!!!! Right now, from where ever you are reading this, say these words out loud "Christopher Lloyd climbs into his train and flys away". Taste that, tastes good huh!! That's the taste of the realization that one of our most beloved childhood movies ended with a man flying off in his TRAIN in 1985.
I will always love these movies, for there heart, there lessons for life, and a man flying off in a train.
Stay tuned for the next installment of Joey's Bloga Bloga
